How Power Tools Manufacturers Could Get Their Logo Everywhere (Without Looking Dumb)

This day most power tool brands have a wide range of really impressive cordless tools. Most tools have removable batteries. More and more tools get equipped with lithium-ion batteries that have very good energy density and very low self-discharge. What's more important, the battery is the heart of every cordless tool and so all top brands put a lot of effort into equipping their tools with the best batteries possible - with as many charge cycles as possible, with the highest cell capacity, with the best overheating protection so that the battery can output very high power without risk of overheating and exploding.

So you're a cordless tools manufacturer and you've designed a very nice battery pack and you ship several drills, an impact driver, a saber saw, a pneumatic hammer, a flashlight, a disk saw, an oscillating tool, a radio and you can't imagine what else could run of the same battery for your benefits.

Have you ever heard of so-called portable chargers for mobile devices? That's a box with a battery inside that you first charge from mains or from USB and then you can use it to charge or power you cell phone, smartphone or even laptop when far from an outlet. People buy such things from some companies they never heard before.

Since you're a cordless tool manufacturer and you've crafted a very good battery pack for your tools. Why not let people use that battery pack for powering their electronics? All you need is a rather simple converter (yes, it will contain a fair share of electronic components, but this isn't that uncommon these days) that is snapped onto a power tool removable battery pack.

This way you can have your logo just about everywhere and more people know that your cordless tools come with really nice battery packs. Most people only use power tools occasionally or on their workplace or in their backyard but they use electronics everywhere. Letting them use your batteries in everyday life greatly increases exposure to your logo.

Last, but not least, using batteries more frequently will wear them out faster and you'll be able to sell more of them.

What Intel Corporation Really Does

You thought Intel only produces processors and hardcore software like compilers and profilers? Think again.

A small ISV recently made a post about moving to their new office with plenty of photos. Among others are this photo of a shaman's tambourine with the repeating inscription "FIX THE BUG" and this photo of a horseshoe amulet with the inscription "A horseshoe nailed to the computer protects code from bugs (the ancient programmers' popular belief)". Both items proudly bear Intel logo on them.

Surely, Intel being a Serious Company™ has to provide a variety of tools for developing and maintaining software. Hence they can't go without shipping debugging aid tools like a shaman's tambourine and bug repelling items like a horseshoe amulet.

Dear Intel, I'm sure you'll be reading this at some point. Could you please not use screws for attaching the horseshoe to the base? In this case screws look as weird as your Atom CPU would look in Ancient Rome. Thank you.

In the Aftermath of Unexpected Worldwide Windows Azure Storage SSL Certificate Expiration

Somewhere between Feb 22, 2013 and Feb 23, 2013 Windows Azure Storage service had its SSL certificate unexpectedly expired. Proofs: one and two. A lot of software is configured in such way that once an SSL certificate expires the software no longer trusts the service and refuses to connect to it. That happened to all geographical regions, so no amount of data replication would help (except replicating to some other provider of course).

A fair portion of chaos followed. Microsoft replaced the certificate in several hours and the life goes on.

Now it's time to analyze this situation. Here we have a third party service a lot of other services depend upon and it turns out the service provider let the certificate expire.

Suppose your service uses Windows Azure Storage for storing data and you find yourself in the situation described above. What lessons will you learn from it?

The standard way to handle this situation is the following. It was Microsoft who was responsible for the certificate and so it's Microsoft's fault. Let's get some Jack Daniel's and have a good time.

This approach no longer works. At least not with the cloud services responsibility model.

If you read Windows Azure Storage SLA (highly recommended) you'll see that in no event you're eligible for a refund greater than the sum you paid for the service. This means that if you were affected by that incident you likely can get a refund of several USD, not much more. With that refund you then have to go to your service customers and explain why your service has got affected.

Note that Microsoft is not scamming you – you've been showed that SLA upfront and your lawyers have likely read it.

Now follow any of the two links above and look carefully at that picture with the certificate information. Where's that picture from? When you open any HTTPS-enabled site like https://twitter.com your browser shows a visual indication of an encrypted connection. If you click there you can read who owns the site and who issued the certificate and there's a kind of "more info" button that brings you to that certificate information dialog. Using this way you can see that https://twitter.com SSL certificate expires (as of the date of this writing) at May 11, 2014 which is quite far from now.

So it turns out you can look at any HTTPS-enables site SSL certificate at any time and see its expiration date.

Soooo… Unlike any other kind of unexpected event – like a lightning, a storm, an earthquake, an intern spilling coffee onto critical equipment – this time anyone could have seen the disaster was coming. The information was publicly available weeks in advance and noone noticed the upcoming problem.

Soooo… If your service uses a third-party service via SSL you have only two options. Either you monitor that service certificate or you risk that certificate unexpectedly expiring and sending you into chaos.

It doesn't matter that it's Microsoft (or Twitter) certificate. If your service depends on that certificate you have to monitor it. That's how clouds work. If you don't comply with this model all you have is a crowd of upset customers, a ton of upset blog posts and a refund worth no more than several USD.

Don't Do Stupid Things When Trying to Help Protect the Environment

Everyone is trying so hard to help the environment. Energy saving there, recycling here. Soooo green...

...and sometimes so stupid. Look at Nokia chargers initiative. Newer chargers will consume less than 30 milliwatts in standby mode which is excellent. And each time a phone finishes charging there's a message saying that charging is complete and you'd better unplug the charger to help protect environment.

This message is brought up as a very clever step that makes every Nokia phone user responsible for the green future....

Well, no. The message about charging completion was always there, just the part about the environment was added at some point.

There's something weird in here, isn't it? It's Nokia charger consuming power in standby but the user has to make extra effort. Why?

The real reason is that those chargers are damn efficient already. Making them more efficient would require better electronic components that are more expensive and that would drive the chargers price up and guess who would have to pay for that? No, people don't like to pay more for greener chargers.

So the pseudosolution is to change the "charging complete" message to contain the word "environment" in it. Does nothing, still puts extra burden on the user but now allows him feel better because of "doing something green". Plus Nokia can now run a PR company full of impressive numbers on energy saving and reducing the environmental effect.


Yes, impressive numbers. To actually estimate anything you have to run the numbers.

Numbers don't lie.

Suppose we have a Nokia charger in standby plugged in for a full year and consuming 30 milliwatts. Just the worst case waste scenario.

Every day the charger will consume 0,03 watts by 86400 seconds (number of seconds in a day) which totals 2592 joules.

Now when you multiply that by the number of days in a year and then by the estimated number of chargers out there the result is very impressive.

Except that the number alone is meaningless. You have to compare it with something and see if it makes any sense.

Let's pretend that each day you will take the stairs instead of using an elevator. Let's assume your weight is 60 kilograms and you go three meters up. This makes you spend at least 3 meters by 60 kilograms by 9,8 meters per second ² (gravitational acceleration) which totals 1764 joules.

You see, the elevator will not need to use that energy because you took the stairs.

Climb up two floors up and you totally offset the energy saving of the unplugged charger. Plus now you've got some physical exercise and you have better chances of not needing a heart surgery and a ton of drugs which are not that environmentally friendly.

Which will you choose – to do something stupid and protect the environment or to do something useful and protect the environment?

Safety Device Useless Because of Poorly Worded Manual

Teh battery terminal covers... Tiny pieces of plastic that could prevent shorting the mobile device battery when the battery is being stored or transported much better than the stupid "don't store the battery in a pocket next to a paper clip" warning.

Now turns out there is one company that ships mobile devices with battery terminal covers. Let's look at Nikon Coolpix AW 100 camera manual. Confirming the Package Contents section clearly shows that the camera battery is shipped with a terminal cover.

One small step for a company, a giant leap for mankind. Sort of.

The problem is that shipping the battery with the cover IS NOT FUKKEN ENOUGH because users are not familiar with what to do with that. Scary paperclip warnings have been there for ages, but users have never seen a terminal cover before. With such background they can only fear a paperclip, not do anything constructive with a terminal cover.

Camera Reference Manual to the rescue? Okay... section For Your Safety says observe the following precautions when handling the battery for use in this product and then there's a bullet list that among other stuff includes this:

[B1] Do not short or disassemble the battery or attempt to remove or break the battery insulation or casing.

Okay, then two bullets later (both completely unrelated to shorting the battery) it says this:

[B2] Replace the terminal cover when transporting the battery. Do not transport or store with metal objects such as necklaces or hairpins.

This is not how the manual should handle this. Here's what's wrong.

First of all, look at [B1] wording. You see, shorting the battery and disassembling the battery are listed as if they are similar actions. They are only similar because they are both Bad Idea™. Other than that they are very different. Disassembling the battery is usually a deliberate action but shorting the battery can be either deliberate or accidental (like accidentally connecting the terminals with a paper clip in a pocket).

These two things should be worded separately. Disassembling or otherwise hacking the battery with a pickaxe should be a separate bullet point.

Next, [B1] that mentions that shorting the battery is Bad Idea™ and [B2] mentioning the terminal cover and the metal objects are separated with two completely unrelated bullets.

This makes [B1] and [B2] unrelated in the reader's mind although they both talk about shorting the battery and how to avoid it.

Finally look at [B2] wording. This on its own deserves careful analysis.

It says the user should put the cover onto the battery while transporting it but doesn't mention battery storage although storing and transporting the battery are totally equivalent in terms of shorting and risks thereof.

Next, [B2] says the user should not transport or store the battery with metal objects. Why the F should he not?

Remember, there's a terminal cover that he should have put onto the battery and that cover should prevent shorting. When the cover is on it's okay to store the battery in a bag full of tiny metal objects – no shorting will happen.

Do you see what's going on? According to the manual the terminal cover is just needed but it doesn't protect against shorting the battery. According to the manual it's just useless or maybe protects from dirt.

So, Dear Nikon, you've implemented the terminal cover, you've produced and shipped it and then you wrote in your reference manual that the said cover is a useless piece of plastic that just needs to be there. Every box with Nikon Coolpix AW 100 now contains a terminal cover and a manual implicitly declaring that the cover is useless.

EPIC FAIL

Here's how you fix it.

1. Remove do not short wording from [B1]. Only leave the wording about disassembling and otherwise deliberately (most of time) messing with the battery in [B1].

2. Move do not short wording into [B2]. Shorting the battery (either deliberately or accidentally) is a separate problem and it should be addressed separately. The terminal cover is implemented to avoid accidentally shorting the battery when the battery is being stored or transported. Remove do not transport or store with metal objects wording, replace it with a phrase saying that a metal object (such as whatever examples you want) can accidentally make a connection between the uncovered terminals and short the battery and to avoid that the user should only store or transport the battery with the terminal cover on.

This makes the terminal cover ACTUALLY USEFUL and saves a billion of cute kittens.

How a Trivial Technical Problem Turns into a Major Hazard

These days portable devices are EVERYWHERE. Phones, computers, power tools have decent mileage on batteries these days.

EXCELLENT

Now mileage is not always decent ENOUGH and so you'll often want a spare battery or two. This applies to all kinds of devices the number one being Android and number two being power tools.

POWER TOOLS

Unlike other devices most professional power tools come with two batteries. You charge both, then you use one of them until it goes empty. The empty one goes to the charger, the second one goes to the tool. If you have to use the tool where there's nowhere to plug the charger – you may want to have more batteries with you.

Anyway at some moment there's a battery that is not connected to the tool and is likely not connected to the charger. It is on its own.

Have you heard that a battery has TERMINALS? You know, the metal thingies which connect the battery to the tool. Do you have an idea of what happens if there's a direct electrical contact between the terminals?

That's called a SHORT CIRCUIT. This is FUKKEN BAD for teh battery – it will spark, overheat, explode, hell will break loose. Search for "battery explosion" on YouTube for details.

Do companies who produce phones, laptops and tools know about that?

Sure they do. Let's open a manual for ... say... Bosch GDR 10,8 V-LI power impact wrench. Page 14 says this:

When battery pack is not in use, keep it away from other metal objects, like paper clips, coins, keys, nails, screws or other small metal objects, that can make a connection from one terminal to another. Shorting the battery terminals together may cause burns or a fire.

This is how companies typically "solve" the problem. A warning in the manual.

EXCELLENT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Suppose I'm packing tools into a bag. I want several screwdrivers, wrenches, pliers, a hammer, some wire and maybe some screws. And finally I want a power tool and a second battery pack for that tool.

You see, if I put the battery pack right into my bag there's risk that the wire or the screws or some combination thereof will get to the terminals of the battery pack and cause a short circuit.

Looks like I'm screwed.

Not really. There is a solution. It is wrapping the battery into plastic film. Most likely that will be a plastic bag.

Yes, a plastic bag. The tool costs several hundred bucks but you have to put its battery into a plastic bag because otherwise it can short circuit and then hell breaks loose.

EXCELLENT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Let's looks at it in details. Suppose you want to design a phone, a computer or a power tool. You will have requirements – maximum weight, maximum size, minimum performance, maximum heat dissipation, duration of runtime off the battery and many many others.

You see, these requirements are conflicting big time. If you want a bigger battery you get a bigger heavier device. If you want more power you'll have problems dissipating that power.

Now you spend months and years putting all that together – you choose all the right components and pack them the right way so that your device is powerful enough and small enough and lightweight enough and lasts on one charge enough.

You're so FUKKEN PROUD of yourself. You hire a ton of marketing specialists who market ur device everywhere talking about its sleek design and its amazing power and lots of irrelevant crap like number of screen colors of a phone and voltage of a power tool, but...

... your user buys your device for several hundred dollars and has to pack the second battery into a plastic bag to avoid a short circuit ...

... and all you can do is put a warning into the manual listing all kind of metal and other conductive crap that can cause the short circuit?

EXCELLENT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Here's what to do. Next time you design a battery design a protective cover for the terminals.

If you design a power tool – that's very easy. The battery typically connects to the tool handle. Clone the part of the handle the battery connects to, then cut off all the extra plastic which forms the tool body, form the rest into a plastic cap. You've got a plastic cap that fits to the battery in the most secure way possible and protects the terminal against short circuit.

If you design some other kind of device at least provide a tiny plastic box.

Never ship second batteries without a protective cover. Make protective covers available through your service centers in case your users lose covers – sell them dirt cheap.


Now go to your device manual and change the warning to say "dude, hell breaks loose if there's a direct contact between the terminals, to avoid this put the protective cover onto the battery when the battery is not connected to the device or the charger".

THIS IS SO FUKKEN EASY and IT MAKES A REAL DIFFERENCE

Bonus points – you have less lawsuits, easier public relations and maybe you can save a bit on marketing your device. Less risk of short circuit sounds FUKKEN GOOD...

It's a SAFER DEVICE and everyone likes safer devices.

Your Order is One Upselling, Do You Want Hatred With That?

If you google for upselling you get more than 6 million hits. It's so popular.

The whole idea is the following. Your business is selling some premium crap and to maximize ur revenues you want to sell tons of that premium crap. One of the techniques is upselling.

You wait till ur customer decides to buy something and then offer him something extra... or a bigger version of what he want to buy... or both. Like the classic McDonalds "do you want fries with that?".

Now the upselling proponents say it increases revenue at almost no cost. The proponents explain it this way...

...some unfortunate dude at McDonalds has already made his mind to get this and that...

...and they're already in front of the counter spelling their order out...

...it takes almost no effort for a clerk to ask "do you want fries with that"?

Like if the dude is an imbecile and kind of forgot to order fries he will spend extra but if he doesn't want fries there's nothing to lose here.

Kind of a no-brainer. Just ask everyone "do you want X with that?" That's easy, isn't it?

Now dear upselling proponents...

STOP RIGHT HERE AND THINK

This is just annoying. ANNOYING. Go find an online dictionary and look this word up.

Ur customer wanted a coffee. "Do you want ice-cream with that?" No, F off!!!

Ur customer has already ordered more than a person can eat per day. "Do you want fries with that?" No, F off!!!

Ur customer orders a single cheeseburger. "Do you want cola with that?" No, F it, ur customer is not that stupid to not know better if he wanted cola when he came to the counter.

Do you really think that a person will go to the counter to order a single cheeseburger and not order cola if he really wants one? Really? Is he that stupid?

Yes, sometimes upselling may be a good idea, but don't just try to upsell anything to anyone.

Otherwise it's ANNOYING and now that you've looked up this word there's one more for you -

...that second word is HATRED. When you do something ANNOYING over and over again that triggers HATRED...

...and that's not some generic untargeted HATRED, but HATRED towards ur business.

Do you want customers to experience HATRED towards ur business? Do you want to spend a fortune on advertising and then trigger HATRED by clueless use of upselling?

The proponents of upselling measure the revenues and then conclude that using "do you want X with that" upselling leads to some percents of revenues increase.

Excellent.

Now did they measure the extra time people have to wait in the line behind the dude who is being upsold to?

It's that easy. You're the fourth in line at McDonalds. The dude at the counter orders a single cheeseburger and the clerk tries to upsell a cola to him, the dude refuses. You have to wait extra five seconds in the F***ng line. Now the next in line dude comes to the counter and the clerk tries to upsell to him. And then the next dude. And then it's ur turn to waste time on upselling.

How do you feel about that? You've just wasted 20 seconds on upselling. Excellent investment. Come tomorrow for more.

Did the upselling proponents measure this waste of time and HATRED it induces?

Do you still think upselling has almost no cost? Do you want upselling with that?