понедельник, 13 августа 2012 г.

Your Order is One Upselling, Do You Want Hatred With That?

If you google for upselling you get more than 6 million hits. It's so popular.

The whole idea is the following. Your business is selling some premium crap and to maximize ur revenues you want to sell tons of that premium crap. One of the techniques is upselling.

You wait till ur customer decides to buy something and then offer him something extra... or a bigger version of what he want to buy... or both. Like the classic McDonalds "do you want fries with that?".

Now the upselling proponents say it increases revenue at almost no cost. The proponents explain it this way...

...some unfortunate dude at McDonalds has already made his mind to get this and that...

...and they're already in front of the counter spelling their order out...

...it takes almost no effort for a clerk to ask "do you want fries with that"?

Like if the dude is an imbecile and kind of forgot to order fries he will spend extra but if he doesn't want fries there's nothing to lose here.

Kind of a no-brainer. Just ask everyone "do you want X with that?" That's easy, isn't it?

Now dear upselling proponents...

STOP RIGHT HERE AND THINK

This is just annoying. ANNOYING. Go find an online dictionary and look this word up.

Ur customer wanted a coffee. "Do you want ice-cream with that?" No, F off!!!

Ur customer has already ordered more than a person can eat per day. "Do you want fries with that?" No, F off!!!

Ur customer orders a single cheeseburger. "Do you want cola with that?" No, F it, ur customer is not that stupid to not know better if he wanted cola when he came to the counter.

Do you really think that a person will go to the counter to order a single cheeseburger and not order cola if he really wants one? Really? Is he that stupid?

Yes, sometimes upselling may be a good idea, but don't just try to upsell anything to anyone.

Otherwise it's ANNOYING and now that you've looked up this word there's one more for you -

...that second word is HATRED. When you do something ANNOYING over and over again that triggers HATRED...

...and that's not some generic untargeted HATRED, but HATRED towards ur business.

Do you want customers to experience HATRED towards ur business? Do you want to spend a fortune on advertising and then trigger HATRED by clueless use of upselling?

The proponents of upselling measure the revenues and then conclude that using "do you want X with that" upselling leads to some percents of revenues increase.

Excellent.

Now did they measure the extra time people have to wait in the line behind the dude who is being upsold to?

It's that easy. You're the fourth in line at McDonalds. The dude at the counter orders a single cheeseburger and the clerk tries to upsell a cola to him, the dude refuses. You have to wait extra five seconds in the F***ng line. Now the next in line dude comes to the counter and the clerk tries to upsell to him. And then the next dude. And then it's ur turn to waste time on upselling.

How do you feel about that? You've just wasted 20 seconds on upselling. Excellent investment. Come tomorrow for more.

Did the upselling proponents measure this waste of time and HATRED it induces?

Do you still think upselling has almost no cost? Do you want upselling with that?

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